Phillip Schofield breaks down in tears as he reveals his life nearly ended in suicide

Phillip Schofield breaks down in tears on his desert island TV show as he reveals how close he came to ending his life after leaving This Morning.

The former ITV host reflected on how "dark" his life became and how his daughters helped him "take a step back from the edge" as he returns to the small screen on Channel 5 next week. Fighting back tears he says: "In the last 18 months it got as dark as it is possible to get."

"A year ago I got so so close. I had everything in place, everything was set up and everything was ready and it was Molly that was looking after me, Molly and Ruby(daughters) both looking after me at the time and Molly said do you imagine what this would do to us if you actually managed to pull this off", he added.

He continued: "Can you imagine what would happen and can you imagine what it would do to me if you did this on my watch. And that was enough just to take a step back from the edge. And I could have been hospitalised, I had the option to be hospitalised but I just thought that is going to get out so I raced to the family home."

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Schofield, 62, came out as gay in February 2020 but whilst on the desert Island he admits it was not as freeing for him as it can be for some people and came with its own problems. He explained: "I'm very proud of what I did, and I know that coming out for many people is liberating....but for me doing it later in life, at the moment it's just given me more anguish than joy because I am fully aware of the damage that is leaves."

He also says he has spent a "chunk of his older life" locked away feeling sad. Daughter Molly also hints at the strife Schofield has put his whole family through. She says: "When my dad came out it was very hard for me. It was very hard for the entire family. Mainly my mum, of course, everything was turned upside down. But we talked through it and it got easier."

Before heading off to tropical island off the coast of Madagascar for Phillip Schofield: Cast Away, Schofield is shown having a BBQ lunch with his family including wife Stephanie and his two daughters. They all speak on camera to show they are very close again despite Schofield's lies about his “unwise, but not illegal” affair with a junior male staff member on This Morning which led to him quitting TV.

At the garden table Schofe mocks former co-host Holly Willoughby by asking his family "If you're okay, then we're okay and I'm Okay. Are you okay?" Holly famously asked this question of viewers after Schofield quit This Morning.

He went on to suggest he would never work for ITV again. Before jetting off he says he is being tipped to do I'm A Celebrity. He says: "Although my best mates host it, there are some channels you just won't work for. There are some people you won't work for."

Viewers will also hear from Schofield's wife Stephanie who has seemingly stayed friends with him throughout everything. Stephanie said: "What people don't realise if that they batter you but then there are other people affected." She adds: "There's no question by doing this you're popping your head back up above the parapet for the very few horrid people that there are out there."

Daughter Molly says everything that has happened has brought the family "closer". She added: "We've seen him at his lowest times, but I've been so proud of him, and as a daughter to see the love that people had for him that when it's taken away it's just heartbreaking." Schofield, who is still wearing his wedding ring on the show, says: "Some families can adapt, some families can't. Without them I wouldn't be here. I still have the love of my family. Never wavered."

The first episode begins with Schofield being asked why he wants to take on the challenge of being stuck on a deserted island alone, having to gather his own food, to which he responds: "I think there'd be an awful lot of people that hope I never come back."

As clips are shown of his career on children's TV, in theatre, and on This Morning including with Willoughby, he questions if the "ultimate isolation can finally set me free", or if he will be "consumed by my inner demons". He added that This Morning was a "joy" and a "privilege", and he understands how he has been "lucky" during his more than four decades of TV career, until it came to an end in 2023.

"When it came to a sudden very abrupt end, you know one minute you're there and then the next minute you're gone, you know what it feels like to be cancelled," he also said. "It's like the biggest grenade going off in your life, and you know you let people down, you've let yourself down, and it was unwise and (an) unprofessional thing to do, I will be forever sorry, I screwed up, I made a mistake, and I hurt the people around me."

He struggled catching fish but managed to eat some crustaceans and fruit. At one point he says: "Every day I just feel my toxicity tanks emptying out. All the s*** along the way." But he is not totally apologetic and he adds: "When you throw someone under the bus you've got to have a really bloody good reason to do it."

Phillip Schofield: Cast Away begins at 9pm on Monday on Channel 5, and will continue on Tuesday and Wednesday at the same time.

If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch

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