This festive season, skip the trip and build stronger bonds at home

“Doc, we are spending these holidays in the Bahamas! I want my children to learn all about world culture!”

When parents declare these aspirations for their children, I can see where they are coming from. This child is quite likely to go to the USA for higher education and will settle down there. It is better that he starts learning about the cultures of the world right away.

I recalled a parent who came down from the USA last week. She is a CEO in Silicon Valley. She mentioned how grateful she was for having gone to a local state school in her childhood- she thought it was growing up with children from different communities, something that is prevalent in many cities in India that groomed her to better get along with different people. She thought that it wasn’t the Harvard MBA that helped her succeed, as much as her ability to deal with diverse ‘people-situations’ thanks to this ‘training’ in her childhood.

When parents ask me what more they could do to make their child successful, they usually expect me to recommend some expensive tutoring or some new age Ai app. I can see the disappointment when I tell them my mantra- Human Engagement Powers Learning!

Parents, have you heard about Lev Vygotsksy? He was a brilliant psychologist in the early part of the 20th century who said that children are like vines and creepers- they need a scaffolding to develop. If the child is on the first step of a ladder, she needs support that helps her reach just the next step. The support at each step may be different as per the needs of that step, but what is certain is that even with help, the child can’t skip the immediate next step. R S Illingworth, an eminent British pediatrician, said that a child can master a milestone only if she has mastered the previous milestone. Without mastery of the previous milestone, she may attempt the next milestone, but can never master it.

Though all parents work tirelessly on their child’s nutrition, physical health, and academic excellence, only a few pay attention to the child’s mental and social development or the behavioural and communication development. These milestones are the prerequisites for mastery in the academic milestones. And these cannot be learned in fancy schools nor with gadgets or apps. They can only be fostered only at home and in the community.

The family, extended family and the neighbourhood are the scaffolds that our children need for their optimal development. An infant does whatever the mother says; as a toddler he wants more than what his mother offers so he throws tantrums. The mother’s consistent and patient refusal helps the child understand limits and develops the child’s cognitive ability to deal with refusals and denials. Armed with this ability, the next scaffold is to master what is permissible in the extended family.



The chaachi, the maasi, the bua, the maami set different expectations; these are the most important part of the scaffolding after the parents. The child learns how to manoeuvre around a cantankerous uncle or a benevolent aunt. This neuroplasticity- the ability to self-program one’s brain as per the situation (stimulus) sets the brain architecture for cognitive, social behavioural and communication development. A child who has developed these abilities will be better suited to develop the next level in the neighbourhood and at the school.

And what could be a better opportunity to help the child learn all this than our varied and myriad festivals. From shaping social understanding to boosting cognitive abilities, festivals enrich children’s lives in profound ways.

Celebrating festivals at home and in the neighbourhood helps the child practice human interaction in a safe and happy space. Festivals bring about opportunities for children to interact with extended family and community members, allowing them to observe and practice social skills in a safe, supportive environment. The child learns empathy, friendship, and the importance of community.

Studies show that the anticipation and excitement children feel before a festival can elevate their mood, reducing stress and anxiety. This positive emotional experience enhances their well-being and resilience. Simple behavioural learnings- like social etiquette, such as greeting elders or waiting their turn to receive sweets or gifts -help develop the child’s abilities in a safe and non-stressful ambience. These small yet significant social exchanges foster empathy, patience, and cooperation. Children also learn about sharing and the joy of giving, thus reinforcing behaviours that are fundamental for strong social bonds. Participating in rituals, whether lighting lamps for Diwali or hanging ornaments for Christmas, gives them a sense of belonging and connection to family and cultural identity. This lays the ground work for similar such participation and integration across cultures in different parts of the world.

So make this festive season a wonderful learning opportunity for your child to learn and develop in ways that no other experience can! More importantly, the child in you will reactivate and relearn childhood memories and learnings leaving you feeling happy and with a glow on your face. As much as the glow from a million diyas around you!



(By Dr. Samir H Dalwai, Developmental Behavioural Paediatrician)