Psychologist warns 'your mum shouldn't be your best friend'

Countless films and TV shows depict parents who treat their children as their best friends. A few examples shared by experts include Gilmore Girls or Ginny and Georgia. Yet, these relationships might not be as positive as some viewers think.

While having a close-knit bond with your family is normally something to cherish, a line is crossed when children end up carrying grown-up responsibilities. Writing for Self, Jenna Ryu, a former wellness reporter with a B.A. in psychology and journalism, explained: "In psychology, this confusing dynamic has a name: parentification.

"At its core, it’s a role reversal where a child is forced to take on adult-like responsibilities from an early age. Sometimes, that looks like being their mum’s therapist, cheerleader, or even the family peacemaker.

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"Other times, it involves managing financial responsibilities, like paying bills or sorting out debts and mismatched finances."

Talking to Jenna, Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be, explained that parentification doesn't refer to families who share clothes or go to the nail salon together, but instead "it's when the kid starts serving the needs of the adult."

Dr. Koslowitz adds that "closeness, even a sense of friendship, is okay." However, children shouldn't be expected to be an adult's main source of comfort.

Emotional parentification may have a variety of causes, according to Psychology Today. "Some parents turn to their children because they never learned to handle their feelings or were themselves parentified and learned that it is the child’s role to take care of the parents. Others may suffer from addiction or mental illness and lack the skills or bandwidth for emotional care."

Sharing some examples, Psychology Today adds: "Emotional parentification can take the form of a child mediating between family members, acting as a parent’s therapist, or being privy to their parents’ adult problems, such as a single parent's dating struggles or financial woes.

"Emotional parentification does not refer to moments when a child sees their parent upset and gives them a loving hug. Emotional parentification is a chronic role reversal based on the parent’s inability to manage their own emotions and sufficiently care for their child."

However, the experts say that it's possible to heal from the effects of parentification, and therapy may be helpful for some people.

Web MD adds that it is also important to establish boundaries. "Boundaries must always be set between a child and a parent. While children may not understand how to set boundaries or feel guilted into avoiding them, by the time you grow into adulthood, it’s essential to have firmly established boundaries and limitations regarding what you will and won’t do for your parents. Prioritising yourself, your needs, and your mental health is essential."